Midlife Maven

I've got a friend.  He's only a friend because at this point in your 50's, we're all so jaded we walk around afraid of getting let down again... besides now we're socially distancing. Yesterday was his birthday.  And he had a tough day.  He didn't invite me over, really it is Quarantine, and I think my feelings for him put him off because it's scary.  (Oh I'm scary, I realize. I want the real thing or nothing at all. ) But here's my thoughts.  If you're living your life like an island all year long, and you push everyone away, and having to be there for them is too much so you hide -  you can't have an expectation that people will come out of the woodwork to wish you happy birthday, when you've gotten angry and pushed them all away. Just sayin'.  They're not all fucked up anxious attachment types you've activated, like me, who is trying to show my caring over the last week, even when you bailed on my birthday an hour b...

Perhaps it was the Jupiter and Pluto conjunction. April 4th (and again June 30 and Nov 12) Maybe it's just this unrelenting stress pressing down with the Covid19 putting pressure on us all, with our health and economically. I've got some inkling and ideas that some big changes in the way we work, live, interact may have some lasting deep changes here.  More work from home.  More online get togethers. More understanding that big office buildings and infrastructure might not be necessary.  Cleaner air, less driving - a real shift.  Because we see it can be done. And perhaps a recognition that indeed we are all interconnected, and health of thy neighbor, even in China or Italy or... affects YOU, me, all of us.  Nationalism is not the answer, it's not going to keep us safe.  We need to shift.  To pivot. But on a personal level at my core, I feel like I've had an Epiphany.  I know I was praying for it and talking about it earlier this year....