Chronological List of the Shit Show 2018
2018. A list.
Left dream job in the Rockies because of oxygen problems. Sad, but found an ideal job for my husband, he's excited, and I'm excited I can explore other things ie: Genetic Genealogy
April 15th- Moved to Hill Country of Texas.
May 4th, 80 year old Dad in hospital, restrained, delusional, first time since his 30's. I leave for Tucson 5th.
May 21st - husband texts "Come get your dog and your shit. I'm done."
(note, I'm still in AZ after Dad hospital and an Alzheimer's diagnosis)
May 24th, arrive back in Texas. Husband apologetic. Agrees that we should work on it, and that he'll be supportive about Dad and the Alzheimer's.
June 1st - Dad is officially diagnosed with Dementia, probably Alzheimer's by the Tucson VA.
June 2nd, new owner's commiserate with Alzheimer's say, "You could have your Dad come live with you here." Their mother died about a year back with same horrible disease. I look at VA and details throughout Kerrville in next weeks.
June 10th - my cousin's wife, my friend, Connie - he woke up to find her dead on the floor next to their bed. She's my age, I'm so sad for him and crushed. 53 is far too young to be dead.
June 13th, I go up to OKC to pay respects. Husband chooses not to go with me. Spent some time on their porch talking to Connie. I cry just typing this...and one last time on that porch with Uncle Ray.
June 15th, I get back to Austin in time to catch flight to AZ. Meet son. Meet estate lawyer. Spend Father's Day with my Dad and son.
June 19st Scorpions are falling from the ceiling on a regular basis. Into my hair. The AC doesn't work in the cabin. My husband says I'm a whiner...
June 21st, the husband is actually having a problem with heat, we check in to a hotel. Last time we have sex, ever. And it was weird.
June 22nd - Scorpions and heat (90 inside the cabin? It's like a sauna) still a problem but I start my 6 week cooking gig.
June 30th. Stressed by new gig, 2 hours of country driving each day, but happy to be back early to the ranch. Husband is angry. Announces that "The people down at the bar don't like you. I'm going camping with them and going to sleep with someone else. Fuck you.
I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE."
July 1st, while I'm trying to get my crushed self together, he returns. Ignores me. I ask him if he won't mess with my stuff if I have to come back for them. He says fine, and nothing else.
I go over to the main house, away from him and his anger (I have PTSD or something. After some of the stuff I've been through in my life, abandonment and banging stuff really makes me almost lose it)
By the afternoon he's unfriended me and both my grown ass children. They're on the phone saying WTH mom, Chris unfriended me. The camp says yes, we can get a camper to have you in... so you can finish your commitment. Good Christian women helping dyslexic kids. I have a place to stay with Winnie. I leave with my clothes only.
I reach out to his son. His son tells me that all that he told me about his mom was a lie. That the foundation of our whole relationship was him abandoning her. Says she never had cancer. She never cheated. All a lie. 5 years of my life built on a lie. More devastated and ashamed.
July - I sleep in a camper outside the mess hall. I make 3 meals a day for the 20+ campers and staff. I enjoy it, but I cry myself to sleep at night. I have a couple of text interchanges with Chris. Ask to go to counseling. He says nope. I just want the property in Colorado.
July 28th - last day of camp, prepare the brunch for everyone and parents, and then meet my brother and his father in law Keith, back at the ranch. He helps me load up my stuff. Chris barely speaks, but a few ridiculous things, and laughing with his buddies about me running over a rock. I say bye to Boyd quietly. His friend from where we lived near Waco. He has cancer. I asked him about his faith. He said he knows Jesus, knows where he's going. All I could say was "Well, I'll see you there then. Godbless."
July 29th. I head towards Houston to visit Brent and his mom and my Sicilian relatives. Chris crashes his truck. He tells me, via text, it was Monday in Kerrville - but the bank record tells me it's the 29th and he tries to get money at Luckenbach tow. Uh huh. Luckenbach. Karma's a bitch man. Picking on me and a rock. Totals the 50k truck. The 3rd vehicle wreck in 19 months. Think there's a drinking problem? I refused to really see it before. Yeah, I see it now.
Aug 3rd. Up in Gordonville Tx witness my brother marry Kaci. After 10 years together. Good. She's awesome. I'm hopeful 4x's a charm. Our generation sucks, hopeful this time.
Aug 4th Visit Gary in OKC. Sit on the porch and think of Connie. Talk to her in her house. Yell at her. Sit around with Gary. His grief is so final. Mine is Ambiguous Grief.
I've lost my dad, yet physically he's here. I've lost my husband, but he's still alive banging another woman. Mine just goes on and on. But Gary's is final and intense. And his Dad's sick too... I feel like a schmuck feeling sorry for myself. But it's similar. Different. But similar.
Aug 6th I arrive in Tucson to spend a couple days with Dad. Straighten up the CD issues he'd ask me to look at... I spend a few hours organizing the files in his drawer. Martha, Dad's girlfriend. Sits and watches me the whole time. And Dad comes in and out, I speak to him about a few details, call my brother about CD's - ultimately she gets him all agitated. I've got a copy of the Trust now though. I understand how it all works. Dad's agitation is palpable.
Aug 7th. Move my stuff into bioDad's house in Phoenix. Weird but awesome. Grateful for support, spending time with them...
Spend month meeting lawyers, discussing with family what we should do. Make a plan.
Aug 24th - Chelsea arrives from Phoenix. We visit Dad and Martha. It' supposed to be when we do an intervention with my brother. He can't make it, delayed. But we visit instead. Chelsea sees weird paranoia, observes the situation. Instantly "when are you leaving." "We're fine. This house doesn't get dirty." Chelsea is enlightened, and we all know we're on the right track.
Sep 6th - I know it's the Luke Bryan concert we had tickets for in Austin. I'm beside myself thinking how I'm not going, he's an asshole. And then my friends and relatives blow up my messages with pictures of his date. His Aunt was all "is that Sheila. Looks like Sheila" LOL but I'm hurt some more, and mad. My daughter tells me she looks like an ugly, melted version of me. I love my daughter.
It's also the 10-year anniversary of my mother passing. Boy, I miss my mom. I think of her often as I try to navigate all this drama and do the right thing by my Dad.
Sep 7th - Bio Mom, Mary-Anne is diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. OMG So many thoughts. Concern, fear, is it genetic?
Sep 10th - I'm dropping my dog off to stay with my friend Brent, and today my son finally proposed to his girlfriend of 5 years. I'm so glad. We celebrate. He knows this means FOREVER and now she's family, he wrestled with this responsibility. Sure wish I'd married a man like my son.
Sep 14th - Execute assuming the trust with Lawyer.
Sep 15th - Not known at the time, girlfriend carts Dad into bank. Clears out an account. Sketchy.
Sep 17th - Brother on his way from Texas. I come back to Phoenix. It's about 2 pm, and I pull up to the bank. My phone rings. It's the husband. First time he ever called. Why it's unclear. He wanted to know where to send mail. I'd already had him sending it to my sis's in Phoenix...
Ironic, about to walk into bank to do something that is very uncomfortable for me, take over my Dad's affairs. My blood pressure goes through the roof, I had to take a pill before going inside.
Sep 18th - Brother and I go into the Tucson VA and sit in the waiting room. We get talked to by the social worker. We tell them we need help putting him in respite care, we need them to fill out the medical records.
Sep 19th - My brother and I are about to go into the sheriff station near our Dad's house, and explain we're about to tell our Dad we've taken over his affairs, we need him to get seen by some geriatric doctor, and that there's guns in the house. If they get a call, this is why. I'm pausing to say a prayer actually. Please God, help us handle this. Phone rings. It's the VA, the nurse for Dad's PCP. Says he has him set up to go into the Geripsych ward on Thursday morning. 9:30 am. Talk about answered prayer. This saves us a scene, the cops, Dad upset, weirdness with the girlfriend... we go back to the hotel, with the plan to show up at Dad's the next morning. I continue the praying, Thanking God.
Sep 20th - Brother and I show up at Dad's house at 8 am. We say we understand he has a 9:30 appointment, and that we wanted to go and see about him getting help with his memory. I have the maturity, finally in my 50's, to keep my mouth shut, and let my brother be the man and talk. Hey, whatever works. We take him, but he refuses to stay without going home first and coming back the next day. He got really upset.
Sep 21st - I do NOT go. I let Tony take Dad and Martha. Dad goes willingly in to the VA ward for Dementia patients. He's there for 5 weeks. We get girlfriend to move out, give her the stuff and money Dad had directed. It's sad, stressful, but I stay out of the way (she has issue with me) we have no screaming matches, no problems. Praise God
Oct 5th - bioMom has a double Masectomy. Thank Goodness her sis is helping her, I feel badly I can't be there to support
Oct 15th - The cousin who lost his wife, his Dad, Uncle Ray passes over. My mom's brother. My poor cousins.
Oct 20th brother lands in Phoenix. We take over house from the girlfriend.
Oct 23rd brother drives away with rental truck towards Texas with furnishings and stuff from Dad's house, to set up his new home.
Oct 25 my son flies into Phoenix.
Oct 26th we check Dad out of VA, and we fly him into DFW. I'm crying like a girl. Dad is confused but willing. He tells me the story of going to see me in Las Cruces as we fly over Las Cruces - how Mom wouldn't leave without me, and how I became his daughter. I'm crying typing this.
We check him into his new place. Spend a lot of hours with him and Sat too.
Oct 28th Son and I attend Watermark in Dallas. Son flies out of Love Field, I fly out of DFW. When I land in Phoenix and turn my phone on, I've got a phone call ringing from the douche. Like seriously, the 2nd phone call. I text him that I'm not capable of dealing with him too. "I feel sorry for you." Voice mail. Now I'm having to take another blood pressure pill, and even more upset.
Oct 30th - my friend since HS has been battling heart failure for a couple of years. Last year she had surgery to help pace her infraction, but it didn't do what it needed. She announced her decision to NOT have a heart transplant, because that all sounded like not the quality of life she wanted. This was caused by chemo and a catheter during her battle with breast cancer 14 years ago. A well-worded, heart felt update went out to all of us. Yep, I'm crying again.
Nov 3rd - I mail him a letter. I tell him that I don't need his pity party. I lay out how I see the whole situation. Honestly, I felt better at least getting to say something. I worked on it all week...
Nov 6th - I got a scathing voicemail as I'm driving back up to Phoenix... rubbing his new girlfriend in my face, and how hey, we're married. If your dad dies, I'm entitled to some of your inheritance. He's going to file. How dare you tell me the truth. Guess I hit a nerve. He does text that indeed the new girlfriend is 35. *Note, we're 54. Eww. Now I just feel dirty and stupid. It's so cliche.
Nov 7 - 11 Visit Dad 4x's with my daughter, and we attend the family funeral in Arkansas where we inter a cousin I never knew, but she was only 59, Connie and Uncle Ray in the family cemetery. Have a family reunion as they do every year. First year I've been in a while. Weirdness from the cousins I had issue with them staying friends with him... FYI he might try to look like a cowboy, but he's a guy from Detroit. A fraud. Weird how divorce does this...
And well, there's one more month. I'll add more later.
My father, betrayed by his mind.
Me, betrayed by the man I leaned on and loved, and trusted. He stole my job, my home, everything I'd built to make a home.
One of my friends/cousins passed tragically
One of my also mid 50's friend facing early death.
My birth mom double mastectomy
A good friend lost her home in the So Cal fires.
My hometown had a mass shooting and major fire.
2018 can be done now.
#2018sucks #midlifemaven #midlifedivorce #everyonegetsdivorced
#worstyearever
Left dream job in the Rockies because of oxygen problems. Sad, but found an ideal job for my husband, he's excited, and I'm excited I can explore other things ie: Genetic Genealogy
April 15th- Moved to Hill Country of Texas.
May 4th, 80 year old Dad in hospital, restrained, delusional, first time since his 30's. I leave for Tucson 5th.
May 21st - husband texts "Come get your dog and your shit. I'm done."
(note, I'm still in AZ after Dad hospital and an Alzheimer's diagnosis)
May 24th, arrive back in Texas. Husband apologetic. Agrees that we should work on it, and that he'll be supportive about Dad and the Alzheimer's.
June 1st - Dad is officially diagnosed with Dementia, probably Alzheimer's by the Tucson VA.
June 2nd, new owner's commiserate with Alzheimer's say, "You could have your Dad come live with you here." Their mother died about a year back with same horrible disease. I look at VA and details throughout Kerrville in next weeks.
June 10th - my cousin's wife, my friend, Connie - he woke up to find her dead on the floor next to their bed. She's my age, I'm so sad for him and crushed. 53 is far too young to be dead.
June 13th, I go up to OKC to pay respects. Husband chooses not to go with me. Spent some time on their porch talking to Connie. I cry just typing this...and one last time on that porch with Uncle Ray.
June 15th, I get back to Austin in time to catch flight to AZ. Meet son. Meet estate lawyer. Spend Father's Day with my Dad and son.
June 19st Scorpions are falling from the ceiling on a regular basis. Into my hair. The AC doesn't work in the cabin. My husband says I'm a whiner...
June 21st, the husband is actually having a problem with heat, we check in to a hotel. Last time we have sex, ever. And it was weird.
June 22nd - Scorpions and heat (90 inside the cabin? It's like a sauna) still a problem but I start my 6 week cooking gig.
June 30th. Stressed by new gig, 2 hours of country driving each day, but happy to be back early to the ranch. Husband is angry. Announces that "The people down at the bar don't like you. I'm going camping with them and going to sleep with someone else. Fuck you.
I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE."
July 1st, while I'm trying to get my crushed self together, he returns. Ignores me. I ask him if he won't mess with my stuff if I have to come back for them. He says fine, and nothing else.
I go over to the main house, away from him and his anger (I have PTSD or something. After some of the stuff I've been through in my life, abandonment and banging stuff really makes me almost lose it)
By the afternoon he's unfriended me and both my grown ass children. They're on the phone saying WTH mom, Chris unfriended me. The camp says yes, we can get a camper to have you in... so you can finish your commitment. Good Christian women helping dyslexic kids. I have a place to stay with Winnie. I leave with my clothes only.
I reach out to his son. His son tells me that all that he told me about his mom was a lie. That the foundation of our whole relationship was him abandoning her. Says she never had cancer. She never cheated. All a lie. 5 years of my life built on a lie. More devastated and ashamed.
July - I sleep in a camper outside the mess hall. I make 3 meals a day for the 20+ campers and staff. I enjoy it, but I cry myself to sleep at night. I have a couple of text interchanges with Chris. Ask to go to counseling. He says nope. I just want the property in Colorado.
July 28th - last day of camp, prepare the brunch for everyone and parents, and then meet my brother and his father in law Keith, back at the ranch. He helps me load up my stuff. Chris barely speaks, but a few ridiculous things, and laughing with his buddies about me running over a rock. I say bye to Boyd quietly. His friend from where we lived near Waco. He has cancer. I asked him about his faith. He said he knows Jesus, knows where he's going. All I could say was "Well, I'll see you there then. Godbless."
July 29th. I head towards Houston to visit Brent and his mom and my Sicilian relatives. Chris crashes his truck. He tells me, via text, it was Monday in Kerrville - but the bank record tells me it's the 29th and he tries to get money at Luckenbach tow. Uh huh. Luckenbach. Karma's a bitch man. Picking on me and a rock. Totals the 50k truck. The 3rd vehicle wreck in 19 months. Think there's a drinking problem? I refused to really see it before. Yeah, I see it now.
Aug 3rd. Up in Gordonville Tx witness my brother marry Kaci. After 10 years together. Good. She's awesome. I'm hopeful 4x's a charm. Our generation sucks, hopeful this time.
Aug 4th Visit Gary in OKC. Sit on the porch and think of Connie. Talk to her in her house. Yell at her. Sit around with Gary. His grief is so final. Mine is Ambiguous Grief.
I've lost my dad, yet physically he's here. I've lost my husband, but he's still alive banging another woman. Mine just goes on and on. But Gary's is final and intense. And his Dad's sick too... I feel like a schmuck feeling sorry for myself. But it's similar. Different. But similar.
Aug 6th I arrive in Tucson to spend a couple days with Dad. Straighten up the CD issues he'd ask me to look at... I spend a few hours organizing the files in his drawer. Martha, Dad's girlfriend. Sits and watches me the whole time. And Dad comes in and out, I speak to him about a few details, call my brother about CD's - ultimately she gets him all agitated. I've got a copy of the Trust now though. I understand how it all works. Dad's agitation is palpable.
Aug 7th. Move my stuff into bioDad's house in Phoenix. Weird but awesome. Grateful for support, spending time with them...
Spend month meeting lawyers, discussing with family what we should do. Make a plan.
Aug 24th - Chelsea arrives from Phoenix. We visit Dad and Martha. It' supposed to be when we do an intervention with my brother. He can't make it, delayed. But we visit instead. Chelsea sees weird paranoia, observes the situation. Instantly "when are you leaving." "We're fine. This house doesn't get dirty." Chelsea is enlightened, and we all know we're on the right track.
Sep 6th - I know it's the Luke Bryan concert we had tickets for in Austin. I'm beside myself thinking how I'm not going, he's an asshole. And then my friends and relatives blow up my messages with pictures of his date. His Aunt was all "is that Sheila. Looks like Sheila" LOL but I'm hurt some more, and mad. My daughter tells me she looks like an ugly, melted version of me. I love my daughter.
It's also the 10-year anniversary of my mother passing. Boy, I miss my mom. I think of her often as I try to navigate all this drama and do the right thing by my Dad.
Sep 7th - Bio Mom, Mary-Anne is diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. OMG So many thoughts. Concern, fear, is it genetic?
Sep 10th - I'm dropping my dog off to stay with my friend Brent, and today my son finally proposed to his girlfriend of 5 years. I'm so glad. We celebrate. He knows this means FOREVER and now she's family, he wrestled with this responsibility. Sure wish I'd married a man like my son.
Sep 14th - Execute assuming the trust with Lawyer.
Sep 15th - Not known at the time, girlfriend carts Dad into bank. Clears out an account. Sketchy.
Sep 17th - Brother on his way from Texas. I come back to Phoenix. It's about 2 pm, and I pull up to the bank. My phone rings. It's the husband. First time he ever called. Why it's unclear. He wanted to know where to send mail. I'd already had him sending it to my sis's in Phoenix...
Ironic, about to walk into bank to do something that is very uncomfortable for me, take over my Dad's affairs. My blood pressure goes through the roof, I had to take a pill before going inside.
Sep 18th - Brother and I go into the Tucson VA and sit in the waiting room. We get talked to by the social worker. We tell them we need help putting him in respite care, we need them to fill out the medical records.
Sep 19th - My brother and I are about to go into the sheriff station near our Dad's house, and explain we're about to tell our Dad we've taken over his affairs, we need him to get seen by some geriatric doctor, and that there's guns in the house. If they get a call, this is why. I'm pausing to say a prayer actually. Please God, help us handle this. Phone rings. It's the VA, the nurse for Dad's PCP. Says he has him set up to go into the Geripsych ward on Thursday morning. 9:30 am. Talk about answered prayer. This saves us a scene, the cops, Dad upset, weirdness with the girlfriend... we go back to the hotel, with the plan to show up at Dad's the next morning. I continue the praying, Thanking God.
Sep 20th - Brother and I show up at Dad's house at 8 am. We say we understand he has a 9:30 appointment, and that we wanted to go and see about him getting help with his memory. I have the maturity, finally in my 50's, to keep my mouth shut, and let my brother be the man and talk. Hey, whatever works. We take him, but he refuses to stay without going home first and coming back the next day. He got really upset.
Sep 21st - I do NOT go. I let Tony take Dad and Martha. Dad goes willingly in to the VA ward for Dementia patients. He's there for 5 weeks. We get girlfriend to move out, give her the stuff and money Dad had directed. It's sad, stressful, but I stay out of the way (she has issue with me) we have no screaming matches, no problems. Praise God
Oct 5th - bioMom has a double Masectomy. Thank Goodness her sis is helping her, I feel badly I can't be there to support
Oct 15th - The cousin who lost his wife, his Dad, Uncle Ray passes over. My mom's brother. My poor cousins.
Oct 20th brother lands in Phoenix. We take over house from the girlfriend.
Oct 23rd brother drives away with rental truck towards Texas with furnishings and stuff from Dad's house, to set up his new home.
Oct 25 my son flies into Phoenix.
Oct 26th we check Dad out of VA, and we fly him into DFW. I'm crying like a girl. Dad is confused but willing. He tells me the story of going to see me in Las Cruces as we fly over Las Cruces - how Mom wouldn't leave without me, and how I became his daughter. I'm crying typing this.
We check him into his new place. Spend a lot of hours with him and Sat too.
Oct 28th Son and I attend Watermark in Dallas. Son flies out of Love Field, I fly out of DFW. When I land in Phoenix and turn my phone on, I've got a phone call ringing from the douche. Like seriously, the 2nd phone call. I text him that I'm not capable of dealing with him too. "I feel sorry for you." Voice mail. Now I'm having to take another blood pressure pill, and even more upset.
Oct 30th - my friend since HS has been battling heart failure for a couple of years. Last year she had surgery to help pace her infraction, but it didn't do what it needed. She announced her decision to NOT have a heart transplant, because that all sounded like not the quality of life she wanted. This was caused by chemo and a catheter during her battle with breast cancer 14 years ago. A well-worded, heart felt update went out to all of us. Yep, I'm crying again.
Nov 3rd - I mail him a letter. I tell him that I don't need his pity party. I lay out how I see the whole situation. Honestly, I felt better at least getting to say something. I worked on it all week...
Nov 6th - I got a scathing voicemail as I'm driving back up to Phoenix... rubbing his new girlfriend in my face, and how hey, we're married. If your dad dies, I'm entitled to some of your inheritance. He's going to file. How dare you tell me the truth. Guess I hit a nerve. He does text that indeed the new girlfriend is 35. *Note, we're 54. Eww. Now I just feel dirty and stupid. It's so cliche.
Nov 7 - 11 Visit Dad 4x's with my daughter, and we attend the family funeral in Arkansas where we inter a cousin I never knew, but she was only 59, Connie and Uncle Ray in the family cemetery. Have a family reunion as they do every year. First year I've been in a while. Weirdness from the cousins I had issue with them staying friends with him... FYI he might try to look like a cowboy, but he's a guy from Detroit. A fraud. Weird how divorce does this...
And well, there's one more month. I'll add more later.
My father, betrayed by his mind.
Me, betrayed by the man I leaned on and loved, and trusted. He stole my job, my home, everything I'd built to make a home.
One of my friends/cousins passed tragically
One of my also mid 50's friend facing early death.
My birth mom double mastectomy
A good friend lost her home in the So Cal fires.
My hometown had a mass shooting and major fire.
2018 can be done now.
#2018sucks #midlifemaven #midlifedivorce #everyonegetsdivorced
#worstyearever
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