Midlife Maven

Somehow something on Facebook showed me a picture of my still-husband and some new person yesterday... and I really paused and looked last night. Just when I think I'm not caring and can't be surprised... I am all over again. So these last months I've seen him and had mean voicemails about his 33 year old girlfriend... and that appears to have blown up a few weeks ago But the new, upon a little drilling - he's hooked up with the sister of his sister-in-law, the one who got abandoned by his middle brother no one can find, because he owes 66k plus in back child support, and his own kids haven't seen him in over a decade - think how horrible that is for the kids. So this middle aged woman has uprooted her life from Michigan and has moved to the middle of nowhere small town Texas and is flaunting their love like it's the greatest thing since sliced bread. I think I recall this, it's like he's giddy. The desperation and inability to just sit for a ...

It's been a great 12 Days in LA Rainy, dreary cold LA, but LA nonetheless. My son got married in a wonderful ceremony.  I'm so happy he's found an equal, a wonderful life partner.  I've had the chance these last days to see most all of my ex's, or at least someone close to them... Looking back, from the kid's dad, to my 2nd attempt, my good friends who I used to crush on but never went beyond friendship, to my 7-year relationship... it's been a strange but good re-visit. So how did I go so horribly wrong?  That's quite unclear to me.  Was it my core trauma?  The growing pains of a woman vs male dynamics that was out of whack for our generation?  My fear?  My lack of faith? I don't know.  I'm stewing on this all right now. Robert took me to dinner and told me about Ira and Ruth.  A man he used to know, who married Ruth in his early 70's and her in her early 60's - and they had 24 wonderful years together.  So there's sti...

I am rehoming this post from my adoptee site: BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS ARE THE ADOPTEE NORM, RIGHT? Posted on October 10, 2018 I’m going through a divorce.  Married for 3 1/2 years. I’m 53 years old. My 3rd divorce. And I had a long 7-year relationship in there too, that ended in 2011.  So lets call this 4 “real” relationships in my life.  And a few others in there with some deep feelings too.  Yep, like a stream of destruction in my wake… How am I on the road to either Elizabeth Taylor, or the crazy cat lady when that’s so not what I want… or need… or ever my intention?  Did my broken-ness cause this? I read a 2017 post from a fellow adult adoptee and therapist recently. This paragraph really hit me between the eyes: “When rejected, I go weak, lose access to my strengths in a way that can feel dangerous, threatening my life force. All it takes is a conflict with a loved one or the sense I’ve made an unforgivable mistake. I buckle at...

It's been a weird week. A thought provoking week.  I spent this week with husband #2.  We were married for about 2 minutes in the mid - 90's.  Once our relationship went south, I was pretty scared off marriage, and didn't do that again for 18 years!   He'd been to visit in Colorado, and has spent some time with Le Douche.   He has one super-salient point - "well, you know he really was only "Truck, Beer, Hunt"  no other channel. Not a lot of depth, not a lot of substance, but Truck, Beer, Hunt." Yep.  I do have nice garage doors and gates look better... and something to think on .

2018.  A list. Left dream job in the Rockies because of oxygen problems. Sad, but found an ideal job for my husband, he's excited, and I'm excited I can explore other things ie: Genetic Genealogy April 15th-  Moved to Hill Country of Texas. May 4th, 80 year old Dad in hospital, restrained, delusional, first time since his 30's.  I leave for Tucson 5th. May 21st - husband texts "Come get your dog and your shit. I'm done." (note, I'm still in AZ after Dad hospital and an Alzheimer's diagnosis) May 24th, arrive back in Texas.  Husband apologetic.  Agrees that we should work on it, and that he'll be supportive about Dad and the Alzheimer's. June 1st - Dad is officially diagnosed with Dementia, probably Alzheimer's by the Tucson VA. June 2nd, new owner's commiserate with Alzheimer's say, "You could have your Dad come live with you here."  Their mother died about a year back with same horrible disease.  I look at ...

So I'm thinking.  If I blog my issues, then I can vent and entertain, and not take so much shit from the friends and relatives all over Facebook. I've been through a shit storm this year.  A total and complete shit storm. Is 2018 over yet? Living at almost 8000 feet above sea level was doing a number on me as we rang in the year... my blood oxygen was 92 sitting still, and plummeting to about 86 when I slept, requiring me to suddenly use oxygen.  For goodness sake, I'm 53, not 73.  I quit smoking. I tried all kinds of things... I'd been and still was, looking for another "couple position" but back in an area that was below 3000 ft.  That's the magical number that starts to cause problems with normal, non-Andean humans. I'd found one that seemed promising.  I responded right away, and was able to send Chris right over as he was visiting his Texas friend Boyd.  Chris did a great job of hitting it off with the family.  Sure, but it was me wh...